Welcome to a Pretty Good Blog

How do I know? Well, it got you to read this, didn’t it?

This is a personal project with universal appeal (can I say that? I think I can say that). You will never know quite what I’ll publish next — or when — but, if you’re the kind of person I’m writing for, I promise you will look forward to it.

Here, you will find sincere reflection, absurdist essays, the insane ego required to start a blog in the first place, and some fiction here and there. If you like to laugh, think, angrily respond to blog posts, or consider new ways of framing old issues: I am writing for you.

Who I am

I am a youngish man who writes a blog on Substack, if you must know.

When I was 12 — I promise I’m not doing a “kids see the truth of the universe” thing here — I asked my father how it could be that I happened to be born into the right religion. I don’t recall his answer, but it didn’t sit right with me. By the age of 16, I had become an insufferable atheist twat.

I converted my future-ex-wife-at-the-time, which was fortuitous because I lost many friends to my own inability to see others’ positions — a trait I believed to wholly belong to the religious.

Fool.

An aspiring young software “engineer”, I found early financial success on the Internet; I dropped out of high school to capitalize. Instead of going to college, I opted to live my life on the web: a Z-list internet personality (I pronounced it ‘A-list’), whose good fortune left ample time to destroy his mind with a crushing addiction to cannabis (a real thing!).

My relationships suffered and rotted, alongside my soul, leading to my wife divorcing me at the age of 24. I left my business soon after.

I was thrust into the real world; a real job; a real life. I previously answered only to myself; was only concerned with my own cares — no longer. Suddenly, I came to rely on others and be relied upon, and discovered the meaning in that. I never would have chosen this if it were not chosen for me. But it saved my life. Allowed me to become a person worth being and worth knowing.

It is difficult to express the warped reality that one can fall into through the Internet. I suspect you may know it. Every answer becomes easy; all divisions and disagreements a simple matter of idiots refusing to listen, or villains simply choosing to be evil.

Approaching my 30s, there is much work to be done. A decade spent unquestioning is a decade spent refusing to grow. And growth, in my view, can only come through truly hard work: challenging biases; realizing your idiocy; apologizing for mistakes and meaning it. For me, growth involves writing long-form arguments and stories and explorations of ideas, in good faith, recognizing that those who disagree have a story which lead them there; a worldview which is (almost always) internally consistent as any other’s.

I want to be clear: I am not a politics Substacker. I am not religious. This is a personal blog: an exploration of ideas; a celebration of beauty; a place to tell stories. I have much work to do to become a full human being; many aspects of my mind which withered away through active refusal to be used and which need nourishment.

I am a man on a journey of mental, cardiovascular, and spiritual rehabilitation, which — I think you’ll find — turns out to be highly entertaining for others.

I promise not to be too sappy.

My goals

My intention with this blog is to create something that is entirely unique, funny, sincere, and thought-provoking. You will always get me, unvarnished, not playing the (let’s be honest, extremely annoying) Substack game.

I am not going to tell you how to be a better writer; I am not going to try to sell you a subscription; I am loathe to affirm your political biases. If you come out of a post agreeing with me entirely, I’ve probably failed in my project.

I aim to be:

  • Always entertaining

  • Always earnest

  • Always the best thing you’ll read this month

  • Eventually the best free blog on Substack


(Luckily, goals don’t have to be met to be held!)

These are lofty goals, and I have pretty damn tough competition. But hey: show me where I’m wrong. Subscribe for free, and cancel when I first miss. If nothing else, you are helping me hone my craft.

Man, it sure would humiliate me if you subscribed just to prove me wrong…

Where to start

If you want to get a feel for my writing, read these posts. They best capture what I’m going for: my own blend of earnestness, humor, philosophy, and absolute fucking nonsense.

If you like any of those, you should definitely subscribe. If you hate them, you should definitely subscribe. If you never even read this about page… buddy, you’ll never guess what I’m about to say here.

“Paid” subscriptions

You might observe that paid subscriptions are available for $5,000/month.

Don’t buy one.

This exists solely so that I can use this Substack as I damn well please: a mixture of far-too-personal stories (which will be relegated to “paying” subscribers — my friends and family), and general posts that make me look smart and good and cool (which anyone can read).

Conclusion

If you’ve reached this point, I’ve got some bad news for you: you might already like my blog. If you enjoy my voice, I sincerely hope you stick around to hear what it says. I have no interest in vapidity or humor for the sake of it: I always want to make you think and make you feel, and I truly want you to do the same for me.

But most of all, I want you to come out of any post thinking, “damn — I could not disagree more. If only it weren’t so fun to read.”

People

I have been published nowhere! I have won no awards; given no speeches; interviewed no men. You may have heard of me from this biography you're reading right now. Still got a Pretty Good Blog, though.
Error